I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
