Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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