Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
