im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
