Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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