"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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