Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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