I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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