The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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