Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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