It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
