I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
