jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
MIDGETS
????
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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