He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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