and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
