So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
