You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
