TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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