why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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