How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
did i just pee glitter
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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