I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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