She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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