He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
