Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
