I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
