We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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