I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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