I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it because I queefed?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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