Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
