Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize