I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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