Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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