Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
