On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
