So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
