I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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