Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
