Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
