and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
