No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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