all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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