Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Mom said you looked used
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
