how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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