I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
