he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
