my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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