You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
