Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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