Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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