He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
