Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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