i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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