im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
