i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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