Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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