Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
