At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize