apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
