i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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