Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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