In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
