Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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