Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
