White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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