Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize