They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
