i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bring me that man meat
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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