He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize