I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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