No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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