just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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