she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm like, not good at living.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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