She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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